A Letter to Dad…

Hey, Dad…

It’s been a little over a month since you left this awful earth, and I’m a bit envious, but grateful to know you and sad that you’re gone forever.

I’m really going to miss my birthday check-ins and random Facebook friend requests…

Not to mention the many phone numbers I’ve had to update with your name on them…

I feel like we just met yesterday…

You cried; I cried…

It’s amazing how fast time goes.

One minute I’m 18, at a Shakey’s, telling you I forgive you for for never having the balls the face me, and here we are now, postponing and postponing your funeral.

Kinda crazy how much drama stirs up over people we know so little about…

But I’m just really happy I got to hear your voice!

In a lot of ways, I wish you were there to see me turn 13.

I wish you could see me have my first child.

I wish I could show you the art I’ve been making, in person, and the events I’ve been doing for work, but like many things…

I suppose you’ll just have to see all this in the next life.

Thank you for telling me you’re proud.

I waited my whole life to hear you say those words.

I don’t even think us little girls realize how much we need our Daddies…

There’s an anger that festers, until we get that hug from Dad.

I can’t imagine the feeling of never knowing you!

Because now that you’re gone, it’s going to be hard not to cry when I miss you!

I cried for you for years… Wishing you’d pop up … pop in… say hello.

Make all the bad boys go away, and save me from myself.

But, I’m still grateful…

I learned to make the bad ones go, I learned how to sort out the good from the bad (luckily), I learned how to find the beauty in being alone… being the only one you didn’t call.

When you finally started calling, after meeting face to face for the first time, I felt like I finally fit in! Like I was finally a “normal girl”

I have a DAAADD!!!!

And He loves me! Cuz I’m his!

Pink Floyd, born the year of the Cat! Dad, we have so much in common. Omg, a sage tree?!?! You really ARE my Dad!

Except… I stopped running.

You. Didn’t.

And I hope you found peace after running for so long…Guess you don’t really have a choice now.

I hope you know I never judged you. I never cared what you looked like… the activities in which you participated.

I just wanted a hug.

A hug is the greatest, most taken for granted thing, anyone could ever have!

Maybe one day we’ll hug again. But it won’t be here.

Perhaps on Mars, but not here.

Thank you for all 15 ish hugs.

I loved every single one of them.

Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the tears. Thank you for the strength you didn’t even know you gave me.

I love you, Dad.

You be good over there.

I think this feeling I have, is what they mean when they say, “When you love someone, you need to love them enough to let them go.”

I never even had a chance to keep you!

But, I have to be okay. Because I have no choice. The world is cruel and waits to prey on the vulnerable.

So why give them the pleasure?

I’ll always be okay! I’ve learned to protect myself against all the monsters of this world. There are too many to count!

Ill always make you proud, Dad. And I’ll always be your beautiful little girl, waiting for a call I’ll never have again.

I’ll always think of you on the Grapevine!  Oh, California, boys…

Goodbye , Blue Sky.

I hope they have good sage.

-Lund3on