What is my Duality?..

Starting anything new takes balls, bravery, (which may be the same thing) and risk.

And believe it or not, I’m actually really shy.

If you meet me in person, I’m talkative and funny (kinda) and I’m always greeting new people because I’m not afraid… but I AM shy..

And here’s how:

I can talk to anyone about a plethora of subjects.

Sometimes, I call it a bunch of useless information…

A lot of it will be relative to the person with whom I’m speaking, but a lot of it is filler because I’m actually really shy.

When it comes to talking about myself and what inspires my art, this is where I get stumped.

“What inspires your art?”

“Do you have issues?”

“Do you hear voices?”

These are questions often asked by my viewers.

Let’s work our way backwards:

No. I don’t hear voices.

Everyone has issues.

And life inspires my art. (Keep reading.. I’ll explain)

I wanted to write this because I am much better at writing about these sorts of things, than I am discussing my inspirations with an actual voice.

I call my art the “Art of Duality”

It incorporates the balance of life.

Between the good and the bad; the masculine & the feminine; the negative and the positive; the black and the white.

I’ve had a lot of different emotional experiences in my life and in order to cope with them, I had to find the silver lining-shining light, in a sea of ever-growing infinite darkness.

I know that sounds so melodramatic, but it’s the truth. And my true feeling.

There were many years, I faced dramas and traumas, some even life threatening (and maybe one day I’ll go into them in depthly, but not today) and it was really difficult for me to ever see the situation at hand, ever getting better.

It took a lot of practice, patience, journal entries, and therapy sessions to try and figure out how to “fix” my brain… medications, treatments, all of the above… nothing worked.

So, I stopped all of it and started focusing inward. Silencing all the noise.

One day, I was so broken and broke from not being able to handle so much life , no one to really turn to, truthfully, because I was too afraid of opening completely up, from fears of hurting others with the thoughts I had.

I lost a friend to suicide…This wasn’t the first time I’d experienced this either…

I cried for days/weeks etc, by myself because I just didn’t want to be comforted.. I’m not that kind of person when I get hit in the deep heart parts..

and then I remembered this quote:

“Every good has a bad; and every bad has a good. Try to find the good every time you experience something bad.”

( I don’t know who said it or wrote it, nor where I’ve heard it.. but like a voice, this thought randomly came to me)

And I know it sounds strange, but I found a new sense of gratitude for simply having a life.

I didn’t need this extravagant, crazy, glamorous life of happy shiny people.. I was just grateful to be alive. And sometimes it takes losing someone tragically to become grateful.

There was no magic button, but it felt like a magical moment.

Something just clicked.

“I should be more grateful for the time I have here and make the best out of every moment, shitty or not, because I could die soon… and since I’m not dead, and I HAVE to be here… Let’s fucking make this a party…!”

It wasn’t long after that, I was inspired by another artist friend of mine, and I started drawing again.

Painting on Instagram Live, chatting with friends, and just creating what felt good.

I thought about how I would build myself as an artist as the art developed… and the only thing I could think of was…

Well.. It’s dark, but it has so much meaning.. behind it, that it’s a hopeful darkness? So it’s light.. but it’s not.. but it is…

Since I had studied world religions, and other occult practices over time, I took a few concepts from a little  bit of everything, and used different symbolism to show the pain, comedy, and coping from different life situations and turned them into art pieces.

Example: during this transformative part of my life, I lost a lot of friends, who weren’t used to this “new” era of Lund3on…

So , when I created “F R I E N D S” I thought it was kinda funny, that these were technically my closest friends now… my little buddies on a canvas…

… and titled it.

My demon art era came after I spent some time studying Christianity again.

I enjoy learning about religion, though, I’m not religious. I’ll openly admit that.

I also don’t typically discuss my beliefs, because my beliefs are very private.

But again, I enjoy religion as a subject, and the symbolism incorporated in them, and I don’t bash anyone for what they believe.

The most I’ll say, is that, religion is like race. You are what you are. Nothing is better than the other; it’s just different. Some people are more than one.. but again.. it’s just different.

So after seeing this pattern in the lighter and darker aspects of my life, I saw a concept that I couldn’t unsee.

“The Art of Duality”

As I started working in the corporate world, I noticed new stages of my personality emerging and developing.

I realized, I was actually pretty bubbly, but I also couldn’t disregard my love for the macabre.

So I said… “If Elle Woods (from Legally Blonde) and Wednesday Addams (from The Addams Family) had a baby, I would be the lesbian offspring. “

I am both!

Light & Dark.

I am also mixed race.

Black, White, Mexican, & Filipino.

So my whole life has been duality, (THIS WHOLE TIME) and since I’m embracing this life that I am continuing to live, let’s create artwork to display this new gratitude and love for both. (Life & Death) (Angels & Demons) (God & the Devil)

Over time, I began falling in love with this darkness that happened to me, (rather for me) because it brought so much light.

And I loved the light for showing me darkness.

I loved the bad things that happened, for teaching me lessons, but I loved the good for showing me reward for learning gratitude.

I learned to no longer allow my limitations to define me.

I learned not everyone has to like me. That I don’t have to like everyone.

And I don’t need to be anyone but myself.

I learned to tell the bad ones to fuck themselves, and make room for more good ones! 

I learned how to value time.

How to value my life.

Even if no one else thinks I’m valuable.

The balance in life is what inspires Lund3on to create the “art of duality”.

I think it’s something we all can see in this crazy life.

I hope to help others find & see this balance.

To see that light casts shadows, but you cannot have shadows without light. 

I hope to inspire another soul, lost in darkness to see that there are still stars in the darkest of nights. 

You may not always be able to see them, but they’re always there!

I didn’t always believe it would get better… and then it just did. 

If you read this far, just know I that I love you, and I hope you are winning!

Tell me your favorite color in the comments. 

Readers inspire me to keep going.. and it let’s me know someone genuinely cares and reads things through. Lol.

Have a happy Monday!

‘til next time

-Lund3on